Can I be transparent with you? I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I haven’t been devoted to my writing like I’ve wanted. You see, when the work day is done, and I’ve been writing for the job that I make an income from, my brain is fried. I’m not sure how I did it before – the running to the library the second I get off work, and the endless hours on weekday and weeknight writing livestreams. The planning blog posts & YouTube videos. Let’s just say, I haven’t been consistent, and I haven’t felt motivated to change it.

Can I be really transparent with you? I don’t feel guilty because I have this burning passion to do any of it. I feel guilty because I feel like that’s what I should be doing. I feel guilty because lately I haven’t felt the motivation or drive for any of it. The only thing that I have wanted to do is edit my novel, and even with that I have to remind myself that I want to do it. It isn’t until I’m doing it that I realize I enjoy it.

And it scares me. It scares me because I feel like I’m being lazy. But that could be farthest from the truth. It’s only because I’m not fostering my passion as much as I used to that I feel that way.

I put so much pressure on myself to be and do the best that I make everything into a task. And that’s what this has become. Because the simple truth is that no one is asking me to make blog posts or write books or make YouTube videos. I do them because that’s what I love.

This song had me in tears because I realized that God has done so much for me in this life. And yet, I keep chasing these never-ending goals. I had to remind myself that God is the same God that gave my then fiancé and I peace after a shooting scare on the day of our engagement, and He’s also the same God that allowed us to get married after just half a year of being engaged, and He’s also the same God that saved me and my husband from a car wreck, and He’s also the same God that allowed us to close on a house after putting in our notice to vacate our apartment without having a surefire place to stay and He’s also the same God that is with me always.

I’ve focused so much on wanting to be successful in the world’s eyes that I lost sight of how God sees me. So please listen to the below song whenever you have just a few moments to spare. I hope it will bless you as it’s done for me.

-Jas